Marital Customs

Weddings

In the early days of Rome, there were three different kinds of marriage and in each case the wife passed out of the authority of her husband and into that of her husband. Well before the end of the Republic, women had rebelled against such and, though the original forms of marriage were still recognized, they were rare in practice. The 'free marriage' had taken their place.

The first or coemptio was a survival of the primitive bride purchase. In the presence of five witnesses the bridegroom made a fictitious purchase. He paid a penny (nummus unus) to the father or guardian and, in exchange, received his bride. The second was marriage in virtue of simple cohabitation (usus). Some sort of declaration of honorable intent must have been involved or there would have been no way of distinguishing between a man and his wife on one hand and a man and his concubine on the other. In this case the husband did not acquire full authority over his wife until the conclusion of a year's continuous association and as early as the fifth century BCE, a way had been devised to avoid such submission. Wives absented themselves from their husbands' company in each year for three consecutive days.

The third form of marriage, confaerreatio, was the the most picturesque and the only form of marriage that was considered legitimate for the holders of four of the highest priesthoods of the State - the Rex Sacrorum, the Flamen Dialis (who's wife was automatically priestess), the Flamen Martialis and the Flamen Quirinalis. No one was eligible for these positions who's parents had not been married by confaerreatio and divorce (diffaerreatio) was an immensely complicated and difficult achievement and one in which the husband alone could take the initiative. The Pontifex Maximus and Flamen Dialis presided at the Ceremony where ten witnesses was present. There were extensive sacrifices, a sheep, spelt bread, fruits, and salt cake. The bride and groom sat on adjoining chairs over which a fleece had been spread.

As early as the third century BCE, free marriage had become the general practice. By this time the wife retained her property and as she did not pass under the absolute authority of her husband, divorce was easy.

Roman marriages were pretty much civil ceremonies with no legal requirements for any kind of religious ritual. There were no special 'wedding garments' for the groom. The marriages are often at the home of the bride's parents and then the procession goes from there to the groom's home. If he lives out of town, a friend will loan him his home for 'leading home the bride'

The marriage is usually preceded by a sacrifice and if the signs are favorable, a very simple ceremony follows. The tablets of the marriage contract and the transfer of the dowry are produced, read and witnessed. then a matron of honor leads the bride up to the groom. The bride thrusts her hand from under her massive veil and takes the hand of her husband elect. He then asks her "Will you be my mater familias." If she says yes, then she asks him "Will you be my pater familias?"

Once these words are spoken, the bride, groom and her parents place a cake of coarse bread upon the altar and utter dedications to the gods Jupiter and Juno and also to some rural gods who will bless the new couples estate.

A big banquet ensues where the father of the bride shows off his wealth through his hospitality. After the banquet, the wedding cake is served which is made of fine meal steeped in wine. Now...comes the procession.

As the music strikes up, the bride is expected to cast herself into her mother's arms and weep while the husband is expected to playfully pull her from her mother.....in a remembrance of the rape of the Sabines....and then she cheerfully is led out the door of her father's home by her new husband.

Upon reaching her husband's home, the bride stops to wind the door pillars with bits of wool and touches the door itself with oil and fat, the emblems of plenty. She is then lifted over the threshold to avoid an ill omened fall and is then met by her husband who has slipped in before her and presents her with a cup of water and a glowing fire brand, which says she is entitled to the protection of his family Lares. She accepts thse and repeats the very ancient and famous marriage formula, "Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia." Ubi tu Gaius, ego Gaia.

She produces three coins, one is given to her husband to symbolize her dowry; one she lays on the altar for the Lares of her new home and the third is cast back into the street as a gift to the 'Lares of the Highway' who guard the door. Her marriage torch is blown out and is tossed away to be scrambled for as a symbol of good luck.

The couple is then led into the marriage chamber and left alone while their guests sing a nuptial song just outside the door.

Divorce - Roman Style

A Roman marriage was dissolved by the death or the wife or the husband or by divortium in the lifetime of the husband and wife. The word divortium signified a separation and in a special sense, the dissolution of marriage. Divorce divertere means going one's own way.

The first law regarding divorce has been attributed to Romulus and stems from the Laws of the Kings in the 8th or 7th century BCE.

The Laws of the Twelve Tables (about 446 BCE) codified the law code and provides us with an insight to common values, including divorce but still does not allow the wife to divorce her husband:

When marriage had taken place in the old fashioned form, a husband could divorce his wife though the procedure was complicated excpet for the Flamen Dialis who was required to be married by confarreatio. We know of only one Flamen Dialis who succeeded in divorcing his wife and this was only with the special permission of the emperor Domitian. The ceremony we are told, 'involved numerous horrible, extraordinary and dismal rites.' In no way was a wife who was married under the old fashioned able to divorce her husband. Under the free marriage system, which had become very popular by the late Republic, a wife or father acting on her behalf, could divorce her husband as easily as he could divorce her.

Towards the latter part of the republic and under the empire, divorces became quite common. Marriage by this time was always consensual, that is, by agreement. It existed if the man and woman intended their relationship to be a marriage and ended when one or both ceased to have this firm intention. Either spouse (or the father if the child remained in his power) could divorce the other by simple notification. Cn Pompeius divorced his wife for alleged adultery and his conduct was approved. Cicero speaks of Paula Valerius as being ready to serve her husband, on his return from his province, with notice of divorce. Cato himself divorced his wife Marcia, that his friend Hortensius might marry her.

If a husband divorced his wife, the wife's dowry, as a general rule, was restored but the children remained in the custody of their father. This was especially true if the divorce took place by mutual consent. As divorce became more common, attempts were made to check it indirectly, by affixing penalties or loss on the party on whose conduct rendered the divorce necessary. This was part of the object of the Augustus' reforms, the Lex Julia de Maritandis Ordinibus (the Julian marriage laws) which were later reformed by the Lex Papia Poppaea

By the time of Augustus, adultery was on the upswing and marriage became increasingly infrequent. Augustus hoped to elevate both the morals and the numbers of the upper classes of Rome so he enacted laws to encourage marriage and having children.

Suetonius, in his Life of Augustus 34.1, tells us:

Augustus' legislation did see an end to the husband's right to kill his wife if he found her in adultery, though if the discovery was made in his house, he could kill her lover, if he was a inferior person. If discovered by her father, she could still be put to death as long as he killed or did his best to kill, her lover.

When it was suggested to Marcus Aurelius that he should divorce his wife, the younger Faustina, he made a joke. He said, "What? And return her dowry?" He meant by this the Empire in which he had succeeded her father.

For divorce, even then, had its financial aspect. When a husband had no better ground of divorcing his wife than the fact that he found her company tedious, he was frequently restrained, no doubt, by the chilling realization that he could not divorce her without repaying her dowry. Cicero was at his wits end to find the necessary money when he divorced Terentia in late 47 or early 46 BCE and its highly probable that he had not repaid the dowry when he died four years later.

It often happened that a divorced wife, or her father acting on her behalf, had to go to court to recover the dowry. In the early Republic, a judge had complete discretion. By the end of the Republic, there were fixed rules. If the wife - or the father - had initiated the divorce, the husband might retain a sixth of the dowry for each child of the marriage, up to a maximum of one half of the dowry. If the wife was divorced for adultery, the husband was entitled to an additional one sixth of the dowry, if she was divorced for drinking or some slightly less serious offense, he might on that ground receive an eighth.

There is a story that Marius was called upon to adjudicate an application by a certain C. Titinius of Minturnae to retain his wife's dowry on the grounds of her immoral character. Marius realized that Titinius had known her character well before their marriage and had married her with the deliberate intention of divorcing her at the earliest opportunity and retaining part of her dowry. He advised Titinius to drop the case and when Titinius refused, Marius issued his judgment. He fined the woman a trifling amount and fined Titinius a sum equal to the value of the dowry. Later, in 88 BCE, the woman Fannia was able to repay Marius' kindness. She was the one who extracted him from the marshes and hid him in her house when he was in flight from Sulla.